And the winning thought is ...

I could/should blog about so many things. But my mind can't get over the news of an online friend separating from her husband. I know this woman mainly through forum posts, though I have met her in person a few times. It's amazing how much you can feel that you "know" someone through the Internet. And how much you can be impacted by their bad news. I feel just awful for her, but I don't really know her and have never met her husband. But I can't stop thinking about her situation. Perhaps it's because marriage is such hard work, and even when yours is going really well, you can empathize with when one goes bad. (Mine's going really well, for the record.)

Another thought I've been having a lot is: Why is it so hard to find the right church? Why? Is there a rule that pastors can only be either really good preachers or really good with people? I'd like both, please. There's a nice Episcopal church here with a huge children's program and a priest who gave really probing homilies, but oh, the service. I understand the shift toward praise music, though I don't like it, but I'm sorry, "Can't Buy Me Love" and "Love Train" don't count. They did great things for the kids during the service, but then there was no Sunday school, so any education was going to be very surface. And while everyone at the church seemed to be friends, no one spoke to me.

So I'm trying the most promising Lutheran church around. The service is a decent mix of standard hymns and international influence, and I like Lutheran theology, though there's no children's sermon. I have been greeted by many, many people, and Abigail really liked Sunday school, which combines choir, so there's the bonus of no going back during the week (or feeling guilty about not going back during the week). But the sermons have done nothing for me. Blah.

So for now, I'm opting for service and education I prefer. I guess I'll have to look for depth on my own, but at least I'm coming from a church where I was in a similar situation and wound up with some very good friends.

Other thoughts include trouble with Girl Scouts and needing to find a job, but both of those just frustrate me, so I'm going to feign ignorance for a while.

The first day of first

Abigail headed back to school today after an extended summer vacation thanks to the move. It was a wonderful three months for her, full of visits from family and constant play with new friends. It never even got oppressively hot here. Truly an idyllic summer.

And now she is in first grade. I'm anxious to hear how the day went since we received no information on day-to-day routines at the open house. It'll be a long day for her, with just one recess of 15 minutes. 15 minutes! For 6- and 7-year-olds! But the school has an excellent reputation, so surely the teachers understand the limits of the young attention span.

Abigail was generally excited about the first day, with just some slight apprehension about the unknown. She went to bed happily and relatively quickly given the momentous nature of the upcoming day.I couldn't help but compare her ease to my night-before-school anxieties. Every year until 11th grade, I woke up nauseous in the middle of the night. My mom would perch on the side of the tub and hold my hair as I stared into the abyss of the toilet. I rarely threw up, but I couldn't shake my desire to retch for a long time. I had such fears of rejection by my classmates and teacher, visions of being an outcast. Which is strange, because I always had plenty of friends. I wasn't the most popular or fashionable or coordinated kid, but I wasn't a loner. Maybe I'm naturally insecure, maybe moving all those times shook my confidence and sense of self. Who knows?

I do know I'm anxious for my own child. I hope she finds acceptance among her classmates. I have no reason to think she won't other than memories of my own self-doubt. Odds are she'll come bouncing off the bus this afternoon full of stores about new friends and things she loves about first grade.