The first day of first

Abigail headed back to school today after an extended summer vacation thanks to the move. It was a wonderful three months for her, full of visits from family and constant play with new friends. It never even got oppressively hot here. Truly an idyllic summer.

And now she is in first grade. I'm anxious to hear how the day went since we received no information on day-to-day routines at the open house. It'll be a long day for her, with just one recess of 15 minutes. 15 minutes! For 6- and 7-year-olds! But the school has an excellent reputation, so surely the teachers understand the limits of the young attention span.

Abigail was generally excited about the first day, with just some slight apprehension about the unknown. She went to bed happily and relatively quickly given the momentous nature of the upcoming day.I couldn't help but compare her ease to my night-before-school anxieties. Every year until 11th grade, I woke up nauseous in the middle of the night. My mom would perch on the side of the tub and hold my hair as I stared into the abyss of the toilet. I rarely threw up, but I couldn't shake my desire to retch for a long time. I had such fears of rejection by my classmates and teacher, visions of being an outcast. Which is strange, because I always had plenty of friends. I wasn't the most popular or fashionable or coordinated kid, but I wasn't a loner. Maybe I'm naturally insecure, maybe moving all those times shook my confidence and sense of self. Who knows?

I do know I'm anxious for my own child. I hope she finds acceptance among her classmates. I have no reason to think she won't other than memories of my own self-doubt. Odds are she'll come bouncing off the bus this afternoon full of stores about new friends and things she loves about first grade.

Greetings from the Old Dominion

Moving and summer vacation do not equal increased computer time for me, so I apologize for the long lapse in posting. I've been wanting to, have several posts in mind, but I seldom have a good hour to sit and really process things. Tonight, I finally do.

We've incredibly been in Virginia for more than a month now. Moving as an adult with a child has been a totally different experience. When I was a kid, I was dragged along and didn't have to do any of the planning. I could complain and feel sad and revel in my misery until I finally made friends a few months in. When I was a young(er) adult, moving consisted of finding the cheapest rent possible, throwing some boxes in a U-haul, and taking off without much thought about the details of where I'd be living. Even when Abigail was a baby, we knew the moves were temporary and were generally familiar enough with all parts of Charlotte for the moves to be fairly uneventful.

But this time I was moving with a school-aged child and my personal baggage of moving as a school-aged child. We had to find a good neighborhood, a good school, a good commute, and a good way to assuage my guilt.

Surprisingly, having to focus on all of that made the change relatively unemotional. I left behind one or two decent friends, but most of my those I'd met had already moved on. I cried more at the thought of making Abigail leave her friends (particularly when Maddox hugged her and said "I'm really going to miss you.").

On my last morning in Rock Hill, after I dropped Abigail off for her last day of school, I went to the local bagel shop to sit with some coffee and my thoughts. As I sat, I realized that the very first day I was ever in Rock Hill, I ate lunch at that very same bagel shop, albeit in its old location. Nearly nine years in between, and what was I left with? What would stay with me from Rock Hill?

What I will likely miss most is the sense of community. The city was growing but not too far removed from it's small-town roots, so it definitely had its own identity. And I had found a place in that identity. I ran into people I knew almost everywhere I went. I was an active presence at my church, even beyond being the mom of the kid who knew all the children's sermon answers. People often asked about my magazine and were sorry it wouldn't return. I enjoyed being more than a face in the crowd. I grew up with that same sense of place in Naperville, sorely missed it in Pittsburgh, and was really enjoying it again. Especially with a child and all the festivals and parks the town offered.

Since it was a former textile town, Rock Hill didn't seem as pretentious as other places I'd lived. There were plenty of well-heeled commuters and old money, but there were even more working people who perhaps simply couldn't be as materialistic. In north Charlotte, everyone seemed so driven by labels and status. In Rock Hill, you could take advantage of the "big city amenities" without getting wrapped up in the big city egotism.

I will miss feeling like I belong in a place so many people are from, but would Rock Hill ever truly be home? Not likely. I may never have fully fit in as an educated person in a more blue-collar, conservative town. Given my transient history, I may never have a "home."

I doubt Ashburn will attain that status, though the move has been incredibly good for us so far. Ashburn has zero sense of place, zero history, but our neighborhood is amazing for this point in our lives. On our street, there are about 15 kids around Abigail's age. All those kids play with each other daily, outside and in each other's houses. All those kids parents keep an eye on all those kids, chatting with each other, swapping short-term babysitting for errands. Brad has already been golfing with one neighbor, and Abigail found several great friends before she even had a chance to be lonely. The school has a highly respected reputation, and I've even heard rave reviews of the bus driver. People are constantly walking around the many lakes in the neighborhood, waving genially to the ever-present fishermen testing their luck. On one walk this week, I passed a father fishing with his two sons, mothers walking babies, and teens and parents running as the sun set in spectacular oranges above me and children's laughter echoed from two different directions. 21st century Normal Rockwell.

We really can't believe our luck. Or rather how we've been blessed. We were out of work from October through May, managed to live off savings and paltry unemployment without taking a loan, and moved at exactly the right moment financially and personally. Even my car avoided needing major repairs until just this week. We went through an incredibly trying time while living a fairly normal life and have now landed on our feet in an even better position. There's no way you can look at that and still say life is accidental.

Parenting paralysis

I was talking to a friend who is currently potty training a 2.5 year old, and she said something very profound along the lines of "Sometimes you take a page of a parenting manual and make it a chapter." This is very true of the potty training stage, where all of your daily conversations revolved around bodily functions. I also know mothers of infants who get sucked into cloth diapering.

My current chapter is school options. We are moving to D.C., which is so much larger than where I currently live my head occasionally spins. I have lived in other large cities, and the one I leave near now could qualify, but I either didn't have children yet or was one myself. All my other moves have just consisted of finding the cheapest rent and moving in. Now I have to think about neighborhoods. Commutes. And schools. Trying to find a home within the right public school district would be daunting enough, but my husband also is very skeptical of public school and wants to look at private. The sheer amount of schools involved in considering this, the different styles, the various driving patterns, it all gives me stress headaches.
Hopefully everything will become much clearer after we make our reconnoitering trip in a couple weeks. Until then, though, if you talk to me, I apologize in advance. It will all be about schools.

At least it's not potty training.

Kids' books should not be depressing

I just finished reading "Meet Kit" to Abigail. It's one of the American Girl books, which I generally find to be wonderful. I loved the earliest series as a kid, and so far Molly is Abigail's favorite.

But tonight was Kit. Kit lived in 1932. Kit's world was waaaay too similar to today's world. Her dad lost his job, people are losing their homes, the economy is in a shambles. Kit is not good escapism right now. We need to go back to World War II's Molly, or pioneer Kirsten, my personal favorite. I don't need to read about my own life!

Holiday photos

Hopefully, Brad is wowing the hiring committee at SCAD and we will soon have reason to celebrate. Until then, some photos!

The big Christmas hit was the ginormous Barbie house. Though she also loved Trouble from Santa!


Cut-out sugar cookies are always a must at Grandma's.


We went to Pensacola Beach on Christmas Day. A thick fog blanketed the area, and the light on the water was amazing. It was a very surreal beach trip.


My favorite from the beach. Monochromatic with silver light.


We also went to Bellingrath Gardens in Mobile, AL, for a light show. It was huge and quite entertaining. The drive home without blankie, not so much.

Fall in review

It has been a busy fall. So busy, in fact, that I haven't had time to get on the PC, which is where our pictures go, to blog. I finally snuck a few minutes, so before it becomes winter, I give you Fall 2008.

Abigail and I went to Riverbanks Zoo in Columbia. I was pleasantly surprised, it's a really nice zoo!

At the zoo, there were these great little birds called lorikeets that you could feed nectar out of a cup. The zookeeper told us that if we were still, the birds might land on our hand to eat the nectar.

Or head, you know, close enough. Abigail laughed delightedly for a few seconds, said she was okay, then asked in a slightly panicked voice: "Can you get them off me now?"

That was not long before Halloween. Last year's indian was followed by this year's cowgirl.

See the patch on the vest? Abigail sewed the ribbon and button on herself.

The next dress up opportunity was the grand Thanksgiving feast at school. "Beautiful Rose" enjoyed herself.


And more dress up! Aunt Amanda and Uncle David arrived for an early Christmas and scored big with a knight costume. Or rather rescue princess costume.


While they were in town, we took the Dunces to Uptown Charlotte and simply had to share with them the joys of light rail. Naturally, being Londoners, they had never heard of this new-fangled public transit notion.


And finally, to wish you and yours a Merry Christmas, we present The Wee Tree. It's just so cute!


Off to Florida for a week of escapism. See you in 2009!

Have a seat

A picture on the front page of the Wall Street Journal caught Abigail's eye this morning. It was Ill. Gov. Blagojevich in a wood-paneled room. She asked me what room the man was in, and I told her I didn't know and it wasn't important. To which she replied, "I know who he is! He's the man who's trying to sell the chair!" Chair, chair -- oh!, Obama's Senate seat, yes, a chair! We let our little girl watch way too much national news. A few moments later she wandered over to feed her fish, where she announced, "I think the the prosecutors are right."

Move over, Patrick Fitzgerald.

Small parenting success

I have fulfilled one small duty as a mother -- or at least for me as a mother: My daughter loves Bing Crosby Christmas music. Chalk one up for Mommy.

Many things have been going on. Turkey was consumed. Pumpkin was devoured. Lots of games were played. It was a good holiday; I hope yours was, too. My dear sister and her Dunce stopped by for a very nice three day visit. We went to the Levine Museum of the New South in Charlotte, via light rail, and enjoyed the very kid-friendly Charlotte-through-the-ages exhibit and some stunning photographs of rural eastern North Carolina. We tried to go bowling, but didn't quite plan on Sunday being league day and were hurried out after just one game. And my sister entertained Abigail wonderfully, playing anything Abigail suggested in exactly the manner Abigail suggested -- which is great for aunts who are here only for three days, not so great for mommies. Otherwise we spent lots of time indoors as it was about 40 degrees and raining all weekend. We did play lots of Ticket to Ride, probably my favorite game, and their new favorite, Chrononauts. A good time was had by all. Now we just have to return the visit to the Dunces in London soon. Well, after a few months of employment.

On that front, things are at least moving for Brad. He's gotten several initial responses from companies, some more desirable than others. He has a phone interview for a job here tomorrow and then theoretically an in-person interview in Atlanta this week -- hmm, maybe next week at this point. I haven't seen much for me, though I am doing some thrilling freelance writing for my old paper at the moment -- Shana, I got suckered into Career Connections. My former publisher is making serious noises about restarting the magazine in a new incarnation at the turn of the year, though, so if we are still around, that's promising. At least things are in motion for both of us.

I should have some lovely incriminating photos of family members soon. Stay tuned.

Happy December!

Fall

And what has been happening in my world, you may ask? Well, nothing particularly exciting, where I felt I should write to share my thrill and encourage you to do the same. But it also hasn't been an uneventful month.

As of Friday, we will be down to one part-time salary. Hooray! What fun! For many complicated reasons, Brad quit his job. He's leaving on good terms, with lots of good references, and we both feel that it's truly the right thing to do despite the worst economy since the Depression. We have savings, we are fine at least until March. What's next is anyone's guess. Best-case scenario, Brad finds a stop-gap job so we don't touch the savings, and I start looking for full-time work at the turn of the year. We then move for my job. And Brad? Well, serious talk has been bantered about regarding an MFA. As in I'm pushing him to get one and actually be HAPPY. Ideally, he would really like the program at University of South Carolina -- easiest move, good chance of a job for me, still close to family and friends -- but he's going to look at a few others, too, rather than just doing convenient. Let's hope he actually likes USC. (I can still be a Tiger, right?)

So eventful, but nothing anyone actually likes to talk about, right? Beyond that, the weather is lovely and I can't wait for full-on fall to arrive. Anyone for camping the end of October? We're thinking Kings Mountain State Park. We'll provide s'mores, BYO-everything else.

Six

Six sounds very old. It doesn't sound like my child. It doesn't at all sound like the number of years since she was born. But that is indeed what age she turned yesterday. My big girl is so proud.

In the NICU the first day:

One month old:

At six:




This is the cake I made. I am so proud.


Side note, if you ever plan a pool party for young children, be sure to specify that parents are NOT to leave their children at the party!

Heigh ho, heigh ho

It's off to school she goes! Abigail went back to school today, all decked out in her favorite color and very excited. I hope kindergarten lives up to all of our expectations!

By the way, that tree began as an acorn dropped and forgotten in our garden nearly four years ago. If we ever move, we're digging it up.

Welcome to the Middle West

I have returned to my family roots and taken my newer family branches with me.

The husband, daughter and I went to the greater St. Louis area for five days -- in July!, that's living on the edge! -- and had a really good time. Well, Abigail and I did. I think Brad had a surprisingly pleasant time given the sheer number of distant relatives he met.

I haven't lived in St. Louis for 22 years now, and I've now lived in the Carolinas for 12 years, but Missouri is still somehow like home. I love hearing my mom talking about where she and various family members lived. I love that there's a cemetery in the middle of nowhere where I can trace several generations of my family. I love that my simple trip to see my grandmother became a family reunion of 11 and another of 18 because that many people still live at least within traveling distance of the city.

And Missouri is beautiful. The roads carve through the hills, rocks layered in straight, buff-colored lines. I'd almost forgotten how hilly it is; Brad was reminded of the Blue Ridge foothills. And the broad, muddy rivers (particularly so right now), so different from their eastern counterparts.

We spent one day driving out to the old Buxton farm, where the road still says Buxton Acres and the Buxton headstones fill a row in the tiny cemetery, but where we are otherwise forgotten. It's eerie driving past the old house, seeing new homes where grandpa used to take us on tractor rides. And to think that once the entire valley belonged to my family. I really missed Dad as we tried to piece together the old stories for Brad and Abigail. So many questions you don't think to ask when you're 21.

We had dinner that night with Mom's nephew's and their families, then the next day was the mini-clan gathering of the Buxtons. I do miss the big family events. The afternoon at my aunt's was really nice, though, catching up with people I hadn't seen in as much as 8 years. And Brad really enjoyed my close-in-age cousins, who were thankfully much more talkative than the last couple times I saw them. Family is great.

The next day, so Brad and Abigail didn't have to spend their whole summer vacation meeting strangers, we went to the Arch. It really is so purty!




We went up, of course, and went around the Westward Expansion Museum -- which was disturbingly the same as when I went there as a little girl. The stuffed beavers weren't looking too hot, and some signage was missing. It really needs an update, lots more interactive things. I loved the museum when I was little, but that was before multimedia and I come from a family that reads all the plaques. I was disappointed it hadn't been modernized -- though of course there were two very shiny, new gift shops.

We also took a carriage ride along the river with a small pioneer girl we acquired along the way.



It was sad to leave and know that odds are we won't be back until my grandmother's funeral years from now. If it weren't so far away, Brad had enough fun with my relatives that he wouldn't be averse to going back. But now I have family on different coasts and different continents, so we must choose. Next stop, Florida at Christmas then England in the spring.

Robot Parade

Fun with cardboard and aluminum foil! I'm actually surprised my daughter could fit in this tiny box -- maybe one of my thighs could. By the way, the hat has been promoted to daddy's official "Thinking Cap," which Abigail insists must be worn whenever he is at the computer. He threatened me with my life if I blogged a picture of him.

While enjoying the pictures, consider listening to "Robot Parade" by TMBG or "The Humans are Dead" by Flight of the Conchords.

Giant-sized excitement

Fathers Day and the momentous foray into the world of kiddie rock are a bit in the past now, but I still thought I'd share, as any proud parent would.

Abigail and I put on our coolest rock concert clothes -- a pink, polka-dot sundress for her -- and hopped on the Lynx to head Uptown. Riding the light rail was just about as much fun as the concert! Charlotte is still new at this effective-mass-transit thing, so it's exciting to see how well it works. We arrived Uptown with the coolest of the cool Charlotte tots and their parents who were all reliving their youth. Like me! It was a good show. Not very kiddie, actually. More like a toned-down regular TMBG concert where fans could bring their kids. It was quite loud. Abigail could suck it up, but there was many a wailing baby in the crowd, and I just don't think I would have submitted infant ear drums to that much volume. But the kids did like it and the parents were thrilled! They played "Clap Your Hands," which is great to dance to, and the song all about how they don't want to work. Sadly, no "Sleepwalkers," by far my favorite kids' song to dance to. And for all the big-kid fans, they played "Istanbul" and "Particle Man" and "Birdhouse in Your Soul." Hooray!! No conga lines like in 1995 in Pittsburgh, but they did have confetti canons, by far Abigail's favorite part of the show.



Abigail took this picture (though I helped zoom).



I also spotted A.'s kids across the theater. A.,If you still read this, I can't believe how big they are! Especially I.!!!! He's HUGE!

And here's a gratuitous photo for Rambling. Abigail was playing dress up and wandered into my room announcing that she was Kelly. There is a princess Kelly in her make-believe world of Pipcot, where Abigail the Rescue Princess lives with all her princess friends, saving the cowardly Prince Heroic from himself. But I like to think its her homage to another Kelly :)

On my honor, I will try ...

Oh my, I have agreed to co-lead a Daisy Girl Scout troop. What have I done?!

Well, I know what I've done. Abigail was a Daisy this year, but two complications have come up: Girl Scouts has reorganized how the different levels are determined, and we're holding Abigail back in kindergarten. So either she has to find a new Daisy troop, or she moves up to Brownies and is there for FOUR years. Someone at my church is starting up a new Daisy troop, but she needed a co-leader. Some of Abigail's church friends may join the troop, and the meetings will be mid-week rather than Saturdays like the Brownies, which would rule out soccer in the fall. So to make the new troop work, I said okay.

I'm kind of worried that Abigail will get upset when all of her Daisy friends move up, but she also said she really wants to do soccer again. She's thrilled at the thought her best church friend may join, and I'm sure if I tell her I'll be there she'll be ecstatic. It'll probably be fine, but it just ads to all the repeating worries. I don't want her to feel punished and start to dislike Scouts.

Deciding to repeat kindergarten was really tough. Abigail is super smart, and I'm really not just saying that as her mom, but she's emotionally very immature. She breaks down almost daily at school, crying over something other kids take in stride, and she still parallel plays rather than really interacting in a shared game. The immaturity has cropped up in a few places: she didn't make any really close friends this year, and she's been getting more and more discouraged about being the youngest and smallest and slowest. As the teacher said, if she went to first grade, she would either struggle and succeed or struggle and fail, but either way she would struggle. There's no WAY my kid would sit through a whole day with just one recess! Sit still and pay attention and do work more independently? Not yet.

I was worried about how to broach the topic, but Abigail actually brought it up on her own. She was worried about other first graders being 7 and about tests and work and still being young. I was able to tell her what Brad and I agreed on: that we started her a little early in kindergarten because we knew she was ready to learn and play, but it just wasn't time for first grade yet.

Her teacher next year taught first grade this year, so I've been able to play that up and make it more like kindergarten-and-a-half. And whenever Abigail starts to talk about first grade as if it were next year, I'm able to bring her back easily by asking, "But didn't you want to be 7 in first grade?" We'll really have to watch to make sure she doesn't get bored, especially with reading, but having a different teacher will make the science and social studies different, and she still isn't crazy about math and could handle the review. We're really hopeful that this will boost her confidence and make her like school again -- at the moment, school can be really frustrating since she loses recess time either to finish work or because she was talking or playing around.

I'm still really wary of the transition, and I'm sure the first week will be difficult, but after that I'm pretty sure it'll smooth out quickly.

Anyway, adding the changes in Scouting at the same time we're repeating, it's been stressful. Brad doesn't quite understand why I'm so concerned, especially about Scouts, but I just want Abigail to be happy and thrive and not feel that she's at all not good enough.

The first time down the aisle

My little girl took her first practice run down a wedding aisle last weekend as flower girl for the wonderful Smitties. It was a beautiful wedding and a great time with dear, old friends. And of course, there were pictures.

Here she is in her beautiful yellow dress, which like all the dresses, was made by the bride.



This could be counted as her "first dance" if she does indeed marry Wyatt, the 3-year-old nephew of the groom. As far as they were concerned, they were married with the Smitties. Poor little Wyatt, it broke his heart leaving Abigail.


And these are her "aunts."


The happy couple was happy and glowing and in their finest, but sadly my pictures were all out of focus. Hopefully someone will come to my rescue.

Oh, and I should add the middle two aren't even mine. Other friends had a much better camera and a much better vantage point!

Just for Jenny

Well, okay, and Mom and Auntie Manda, if not others. We went to Children's Day on the Farm at Historic Brattonsville today and had a wonderful time. I may have a future interpreter on my hands.

The golden time

Lately, Abigail has taken to asking for cuddle time after breakfast. To say she is an active kid is an understatement, so these few minutes of quiet together are really sweet. This morning, when she asked to cuddle, she went off on one of her monologues and pointed to a gold star sticker she has and said, "This gold star means that this is the golden time. It's going to tell me when the golden time is over. Only I will know when it is over." Which of course wasn't true because nagging Mommy finally had to break it up or we'd be late for school. But it is such a golden time. She's 5 and a half and getting so big. All too soon she's going to be too big for my lap, and I'll miss looking at her little face while she "dreams".

Resuscitated

So, hi. Yeah, I know, I've disappeared. Frankly, nothing earth-shattering has happened. I'm working away at the first issue of the magazine (if my designer would ever get her s*$% together and send me pages!!!), and we're fleeing the country in six days. I seldom think to visit my blog, or any of yours, dear readers, since it's not my homepage on the work Mac. And I'm hardly ever on at home, though if I am it is generally to be sucked into my addictive mommy forum. (A., have you tried centralpiedmontmommies.com? Jenny, there's an indymommies.com! You will waste inordinate amounts of time, but it's fun!)

The fam is doing well. This week's big news: Abigail read me "Green Eggs and Ham." I'm so incredibly proud! A real, long book, not just a little easy reader! It was very, very exciting, and we've since added "Hop on Pop" and a couple other longer beginner books. She's done loads of other interesting things, too, including a few days in January of playing The Blitz after falling in love with a book about London history her Auntie Manda gave her. Nothing like hearing pretend explosions all afternoon!

She also really likes my Mac and the many special effects of Photo Booth





So the family is good. I'm good. The magazine is overall good. Some of the writing leaves a bit to be desired, but I think that will improve as time goes on. I'm really excited about the next issue, which will have a green-ish theme. The stories should be even more interesting. If all goes well, I'm happy to mail copies to anyone! If all doesn't go well, we never spoke of this ...

And now, to make this even longer and more random, a fabulous meme I stole from Jenny!

Create your own band.
1 - Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2 - Go to Random quotations: http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
3 - Go to flickr's "explore the last seven days” http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
Put it all together, that's your first album

Catch the debut release by Neoschumannia kamerunensis entitled Rarest Thing I Know

Available for a limited time only on this Web site!

The GOPreschool

I think I am accidentally raising a Republican. It's probably no secret that I lean left of center, though not at a dramatic angle. And it's also no secret that I live in one of the most Republican states in America, where the crazy Christian Exodus people want to build their utopia.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my child loves Mike Huckabee.

Or at least his signs. See, we are blessed to live in an early primary state. So our roads are blessed with lots and lots of signs. Interestingly, though, only Republican signs. We've got Mike, Fred, Mitt, Rudy and McCain (he doesn't have hist first name on, strangely). As for Democrats, there are a few Hillary signs at her campaign headquarters, but that's it. Now, I do live in a rather WASPy part of an already WASPy town, so maybe there are some Democratic signs in other areas, but I haven't even seen any near the shopping centers. Proof of how Republican my county is, I guess -- and it is, by the largest margin in the state, I believe.

Anyway, there's a very prominent Mike Huckabee sign on the way to Abigail's school, and it was one of the first signs up more than a month ago. She was fascinated: What was the American flag sign about? What does running for president mean? What does vote mean? Her first civics lesson, from her car seat in my Civic no less. Ever since she first saw it, Abigail has made a point of shouting delightedly "Mike Huckabee!" And she was thrilled to actually see his face last week on the evening news, when the announcer's voice pulled her attention from a very intense game of Uno.

She's noticed the other signs, too, but they're only in blue, and of course her favorite color is red. RED. I should have seen it coming.