Birth right

I just watched the documentary "Born into Brothels." It follows children of the red light district in Calcutta and how they see their world when given a camera. It was quite powerful and heartwrenching. If you have Netflix, you can watch online as I did. I highly recommend it.

About Face(book)

Like pretty much everyone else, I am quasi-addicted to Facebook. It has reconnected me with distant friends and is good satisfaction for my voyeuristic side. But I have two big beefs with Facebook.

1) The "suggestions". I do not need to be offered the opportunity to become a fan of a brownie. I'll eat one, sure, but I'm not going to sign up for some kind of group. I also don't need to know which of my "friends" is a fan of such intriguing items as bubble wrap. Give me a sheet, and I'll pop away, but really, REALLY, is being a fan necessary?! I'm glad the algorithm finally ran out of possible "friends" for me, but I do not need to clutter my life being a fan of inanimate objects.

2) Living Social. The top 5 picks of "friends" are occasionally interesting, but I'm really tired of the notifications from an application telling me to do something. I'm sure I could block this if I put in the effort, but it's so much more fun being annoyed.

I'm also tired of a certain person's continuous updates about his/her exercise regimen, but I can't bring myself to block him/her completely.

Parenting paralysis

I was talking to a friend who is currently potty training a 2.5 year old, and she said something very profound along the lines of "Sometimes you take a page of a parenting manual and make it a chapter." This is very true of the potty training stage, where all of your daily conversations revolved around bodily functions. I also know mothers of infants who get sucked into cloth diapering.

My current chapter is school options. We are moving to D.C., which is so much larger than where I currently live my head occasionally spins. I have lived in other large cities, and the one I leave near now could qualify, but I either didn't have children yet or was one myself. All my other moves have just consisted of finding the cheapest rent and moving in. Now I have to think about neighborhoods. Commutes. And schools. Trying to find a home within the right public school district would be daunting enough, but my husband also is very skeptical of public school and wants to look at private. The sheer amount of schools involved in considering this, the different styles, the various driving patterns, it all gives me stress headaches.
Hopefully everything will become much clearer after we make our reconnoitering trip in a couple weeks. Until then, though, if you talk to me, I apologize in advance. It will all be about schools.

At least it's not potty training.

Under the floating dogwood tree

One thing I love about living in the South is dogwood trees. I think they've replaced daffodils as the plant that fills my heart with joy. Daffodils bloom too early here, while there's still a high probability of winter. But dogwoods are a sign of April and spring and warmth.

Dogwoods are magical. The flowers seem to float in mid air, especially the white ones. No other blooming tree comes close to this effect. It's just gorgeous driving past woods with white ghosts of petals hovering in the shadows. Whenever the flowers are more densely packed, the effect is still ethereal, as if a graceful hand were reaching up and offering them to the sky.

Spring isn't my favorite season, but it is the most amazing to think about. They interdependence of plants and animals is mind boggling, but what's more it's beautiful. I know flowers bloom in certain ways to attract certain bugs, but why are they also appealing to us? If creation is so random, why is it also so beautiful and so perfectly harmonious, so balanced? Spring convinces me that creation wasn't an accident.

A post is a post is a post

There is a children's book about Gertrude Stein. Why someone thought this was an appropriate topic for a picture book aimed at ages 4-7 is beyond me. Exactly what child did they expect to be interested in an obtuse modern writer? And it was written in her style -- repetition, random statements, nonsensical sentences. I managed to make sense of it because I knew what the author was trying to mimic, but a kid would be lost. It wasn't funny (for kids), it wasn't engaging, it was trying far too hard. This book will only be picked up by other English major parents who can't believe there is a kiddie book about Gertrude Stein. And her lover.

Of course, I don't care for Stein in the first place. I can appreciate what she was trying to do with the repetition and meandering thoughts trying to mimic what the mind does. I really can admire the effort. But it's just not nice to read. I only had to read a novella in college, and I didn't make it through. I couldn't stand to read the same scene in a slightly different way ONE ... MORE ... TIME. I'm not much of an artiste, I guess.

Dreary Friday night

Before I begin, Mom, I am okay. I'm feeling a little down tonight, that's all.

But I said I wanted to get back to depth, and I think exploring emotions fits the bill. Since I've given up sweets for Lent, my normal recourse of buying chocolate or pastries is out, so I need to instead confront what I'm feeling. Healthier on many counts, I'm sure.

Nothing in particular has happened to put me in a funk this week. It was a good week. I was busy with freelance stuff, Abigail has been very well behaved and sweet, Brad has even been a bit less pessimistic. But something hit me in the gut as I drove to the main shopping district tonight. Abigail is at her grandparents', Brad had an idea to explore and a book to read, and I felt restless, so I went out. I thought I'd look for some capris, get Abigail's Easter present, enjoy being out, etc. As I pulled within sight of Target on this very gloomy, drizzly night, I had a flashback to the very low place I was in life about six years ago where my only social outlet, and all I could afford to do, was drive to Target and walk around and not buy anything. Six years later, and I have not progressed. Yes, I have friends, but I couldn't afford to go out with them even if they weren't home with kids of their own. No, I am not anywhere near as depressed and numb as I was six years ago, but I am definitely having a down night. And of course I couldn't find any capris.

It's just so disheartening feeling stuck. We are where we are financially for several reasons, but the primary one -- the overall economy -- is not within my control. I don't blame myself, I don't blame Brad, and it's fruitless to blame a faceless non-entity like the economy. There's no anger, just a dullness. A dull hollowness inside that at 31, my industry has imploded, I haven't gotten a single response to any resumes I've sent out, and I can't provide for my daughter. Our families are absolutely wonderful, but it makes me sick that I have to wait for my mom or mother-in-law to provide my child clothes from Target. I can't even do THAT by myself.

It's such a strange place to be. We can't get out of the morass we're in, but we're not in any imminent danger. We have ways to cover our needs. Our pride may suffer, but we'll physically be fine. Emotionally is different. It's draining just watching money go away, not knowing how to define yourself anymore, knowing your husband feels the same way. The solution may come with Brad's phone interview Monday, or it may be another five months away. I'm back in limbo -- for the third time in my short adult life. I was never very good at limbo.

Writing feels a little better, but it doesn't actually help anything. I know I'll be fine when I wake up tomorrow, but geez, I really want chocolate. Maybe I'll go find something to laugh at on Failblog.

Old friendships

I wonder if I can revive this blog? Facebook has bewitched me with it's many memes and silly things to send people -- as well as the handy page that updates me about my friends without actually having to click to different pages. But it has made me lazy. Communication has been truncated to a comment, a status, at best a note. Lord keep me from Twitter and its evil 140 characters. It's bad enough that I don't read as I used to and paper letters are a thing of the past. Now even Facebook is encouraging me not to think very deeply.

So I should come back here. I should let my thoughts stray on more meaningful subjects and dig deeper. That's hard to do when you're sharing a computer, but I should. I miss my mind sometimes. I know I used to have one, a very smart one at that. I am better than Oprah during PBS pledge week (or is it a full quarter now? Seems like it.).

So I will think. I invite anyone else who feels Facebook has drained them to try it again. Facebook is great, but we can have other discussions, right?

Kids' books should not be depressing

I just finished reading "Meet Kit" to Abigail. It's one of the American Girl books, which I generally find to be wonderful. I loved the earliest series as a kid, and so far Molly is Abigail's favorite.

But tonight was Kit. Kit lived in 1932. Kit's world was waaaay too similar to today's world. Her dad lost his job, people are losing their homes, the economy is in a shambles. Kit is not good escapism right now. We need to go back to World War II's Molly, or pioneer Kirsten, my personal favorite. I don't need to read about my own life!

Waving the literary white flag

I'm very sorry, Vicky, but I have to give up. I have tried to get through The Secret Agent, but I'm just getting lost in all the description of individuals. I keep dozing off. I like description, give me an expansive Hardy landscape, but I can't get into these in-depth thought processes of people of varying importance. It took too long for the "event' to happen, and now the investigation is getting bogged down, too. So I'm really sorry, I've tried to love it, but I'm going to put it away at about page 100. Other tomes are calling my name.

It hurts to not get through a piece of literary fiction. I can pitch mass-market without guilt, but I'm supposed to like Conrad, right? I liked Heart of Darkness the second time through, really! But he's lost me.

And I saw part of a Masterpiece version of Tess of the D'Urbervilles, and I'm dying to read it again :)

Holiday photos

Hopefully, Brad is wowing the hiring committee at SCAD and we will soon have reason to celebrate. Until then, some photos!

The big Christmas hit was the ginormous Barbie house. Though she also loved Trouble from Santa!


Cut-out sugar cookies are always a must at Grandma's.


We went to Pensacola Beach on Christmas Day. A thick fog blanketed the area, and the light on the water was amazing. It was a very surreal beach trip.


My favorite from the beach. Monochromatic with silver light.


We also went to Bellingrath Gardens in Mobile, AL, for a light show. It was huge and quite entertaining. The drive home without blankie, not so much.

An afternoon

I have some time before I get Abigail from school, and nothing pressing, so I thought I'd think "aloud" here. I'd love to post pictures, but that means getting time on the PC. I will soon. I got some beautiful shots of Pensacola Beach in the fog on Christmas Day.

Life is still progressing. We're still looking for employment like the rest of the country, it seems. We're haven't given up hope yet, though, and my publisher is still going to go ahead with trying to relaunch the magazine. If he gets enough advertising interest, I'll have a job again in a month!

But I'm not convinced this journalism thing will work in the long run. It just doesn't make much money and is in such flux right now. I've never been a hugely idealistic person, and I can handle just doing a job well and getting my meaning from other aspects of life. So I've been trying to think of what other kinds of careers might suit me. I'm very organized, very responsible, good work-ethic. Repetitiveness doesn't bother me toooo much. But I still want to work with words or communication, not just be a secretary. A thought struck me yesterday: librarian. Hmmmm. Surrounded by books, talking to people about books, organization in the highest degree, interaction with people ... and a master's that would only take 1.5 years full time. Hmmmmm. There's supposed to be a huge wave of retirements in the next few years, so demand is actually supposed to be good. And libraries have become hugely popular again in the economic downturn. This may be worth thought. I wouldn't do public school, but university or community library could be fun. A friend of ours' sister is a librarian, I need to talk to her.

And I could still do some freelance writing if I wanted. Or start a blog about the secret lives of librarians and feed into people's weird fetishes :) Just call me Marian, Madam Librarian.

Fall in review

It has been a busy fall. So busy, in fact, that I haven't had time to get on the PC, which is where our pictures go, to blog. I finally snuck a few minutes, so before it becomes winter, I give you Fall 2008.

Abigail and I went to Riverbanks Zoo in Columbia. I was pleasantly surprised, it's a really nice zoo!

At the zoo, there were these great little birds called lorikeets that you could feed nectar out of a cup. The zookeeper told us that if we were still, the birds might land on our hand to eat the nectar.

Or head, you know, close enough. Abigail laughed delightedly for a few seconds, said she was okay, then asked in a slightly panicked voice: "Can you get them off me now?"

That was not long before Halloween. Last year's indian was followed by this year's cowgirl.

See the patch on the vest? Abigail sewed the ribbon and button on herself.

The next dress up opportunity was the grand Thanksgiving feast at school. "Beautiful Rose" enjoyed herself.


And more dress up! Aunt Amanda and Uncle David arrived for an early Christmas and scored big with a knight costume. Or rather rescue princess costume.


While they were in town, we took the Dunces to Uptown Charlotte and simply had to share with them the joys of light rail. Naturally, being Londoners, they had never heard of this new-fangled public transit notion.


And finally, to wish you and yours a Merry Christmas, we present The Wee Tree. It's just so cute!


Off to Florida for a week of escapism. See you in 2009!

Have a seat

A picture on the front page of the Wall Street Journal caught Abigail's eye this morning. It was Ill. Gov. Blagojevich in a wood-paneled room. She asked me what room the man was in, and I told her I didn't know and it wasn't important. To which she replied, "I know who he is! He's the man who's trying to sell the chair!" Chair, chair -- oh!, Obama's Senate seat, yes, a chair! We let our little girl watch way too much national news. A few moments later she wandered over to feed her fish, where she announced, "I think the the prosecutors are right."

Move over, Patrick Fitzgerald.

Small parenting success

I have fulfilled one small duty as a mother -- or at least for me as a mother: My daughter loves Bing Crosby Christmas music. Chalk one up for Mommy.

Many things have been going on. Turkey was consumed. Pumpkin was devoured. Lots of games were played. It was a good holiday; I hope yours was, too. My dear sister and her Dunce stopped by for a very nice three day visit. We went to the Levine Museum of the New South in Charlotte, via light rail, and enjoyed the very kid-friendly Charlotte-through-the-ages exhibit and some stunning photographs of rural eastern North Carolina. We tried to go bowling, but didn't quite plan on Sunday being league day and were hurried out after just one game. And my sister entertained Abigail wonderfully, playing anything Abigail suggested in exactly the manner Abigail suggested -- which is great for aunts who are here only for three days, not so great for mommies. Otherwise we spent lots of time indoors as it was about 40 degrees and raining all weekend. We did play lots of Ticket to Ride, probably my favorite game, and their new favorite, Chrononauts. A good time was had by all. Now we just have to return the visit to the Dunces in London soon. Well, after a few months of employment.

On that front, things are at least moving for Brad. He's gotten several initial responses from companies, some more desirable than others. He has a phone interview for a job here tomorrow and then theoretically an in-person interview in Atlanta this week -- hmm, maybe next week at this point. I haven't seen much for me, though I am doing some thrilling freelance writing for my old paper at the moment -- Shana, I got suckered into Career Connections. My former publisher is making serious noises about restarting the magazine in a new incarnation at the turn of the year, though, so if we are still around, that's promising. At least things are in motion for both of us.

I should have some lovely incriminating photos of family members soon. Stay tuned.

Happy December!

What a disappointment

Drat. Brad found the most interesting sounding job online yesterday. We were both going to apply for it. It was for a writer for a relief organization in Virginia, and it sounded so fulfilling. There would have been so much purpose behind the job -- international hunger aid, water purification, disaster response both domestically and internationally. Just applying was going to feel so good.

But it was a Christian-based group. Initially we thought it was ecumenical, only loosely affiliated with evangelical groups. Then I took the time to fill out an application form, and at the bottom where you swear everything you said is true, there was a line vowing not to use alcohol. At all. Even in your personal life. For one, I find that ridiculous and think people that say Christians can't drink are silly. For another, I go to a church where I drink wine every week -- where I give my 6-year-old wine every week. I'm not going to lie to a Chrisian relief organization.

So darn. If only ELCA relief groups weren't based in Minnesota.

A new addition

To my links, that is. I've seen Failblog before, but Carrots reminded me of its existence. I've just guffawed for half an hour, and I needed that!

I can't breathe!

A fictitious Obama campaign staff sings "One Day More" from Les Miserables. I don't think I've laughed that hard since I first saw Tina Fey do Palin! Go Here

Cloven hoofs

My husband has a thing for goats -- as in he finds them endlessly amusing, even their mere existence. So he put them in a story.

Oh, and

the PC lives again. So we have resumed marital bliss with two computers and no competing for online time.

Bang

When you are looking for work and float out to the Internet job sites a vague title like "writer," you get very interesting results. Especially if you include the D.C. area in your searches:

Ammunition Handling Doctrine Writer

I've heard of snake handling, but this is a new one. Bet that's an interesting religion.

Searching for public affairs also brings up fun new careers: Casualty and Mortuary Affairs Specialist and Social Norms Marketing Coordinator.

Editor is generally not as interesting, but here's one I'm sure my sister would tell me to go for: Assistant Editor, AMERICAN HUNTER (the NRA).

Virginia is the place to be.